Guidance vs. Control

by Nov 24, 2020Coaching0 comments

My daughter in Chicago who is getting her masters in nursing, joined a CrossFit gym a couple years ago. The gym was an hour from her home (you’ve got to know there were other gyms she could go to that would be closer), she was full-time in school, and working a couple nights a week at the ICU ward in a hospital. She joined the gym through a challenge for improved health. She set her goals and if she didn’t meet them, she would have to pay a $600 membership. If she hit her goals, she got the membership FREE. She was motivated to hit her goals and she did. She continues to be a member of the gym (2 years later), does their online trainings with them even through Covid, gets on their “for fun” meetings, continues chats with them, loves the community and has maintained her good health habits — now roller skates and walks regularly.

Two years ago a girl friend of mine wanted to lose weight. She found an alternative health care doctor in the area that said, “I can help you do that!” She joined his program. One of the rules was she had to text him her weight every morning. Yes! She lost 20 pounds. It was hard. She really disliked having to get on the scale every day. She went through his program and since has gained back the weight she lost. She is still trying to find the life-style changes that will help her be healthy, vital, and vibrant for life so she can do what she loves and love doing it.

What’s the difference?

With my daughter the process was certainly challenging and she made the decision to join the gym and accept their guidance — try this, it works for our other members, join our community — that’s guidance.

With my friend the process was also challenging, she made the decision to follow the rules and the energy of doing the program and  felt like — control. 

In coaching, I work with people. I focus on what they want, what they are willing to do and what might feel challenging; a little outside their comfort zone. I may guide the conversation so I can hear what the client is willing to do. I like hearing them come up with what would feel fun and what give them the results they are looking for. 

As a coach, my role is never control. It doesn’t work long term.  My role is to guide people to their best decision.

If you’d like to schedule a 30 minute coaching conversation to see if a Wellness Coach would help you reach your goals, please send me a message. Let’s talk!



Excerpt from Abram/Hicks 

“If you guide through anything other than your own example, it crosses over into the category of control. If you say, “This is what I’ve found that works for me, try it if you like.” That’s guidance. If you say, “This is what I’ve found works for me, and if you don’t follow it, you’re in trouble,” that’s control.”

Excerpted from Sedona, AZ on 8/31/02


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